travelling back and forth

Where i live, it is not possible to get to a place without bumping into someone you somehow/sortta know. That’s why, what i like most about traveling outside is that sense of freedom. There is this feeling of not having to say hi or hello to anyone. You can walk miles and miles unnotice. I think sometime that sense of invisibility is freeing.
I was studying outside for almost a year. My school was almost 20 minutes walk from where i lived. Every morning i had my earphone plugged inside my ear and with the 'song of the day' i would walk to my school. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was that carefree atmosphere but whenever i walked to my school, i felt that overwhelming sense of happiness inside my chest, maybe it was that feeling of being in the present (not lingering in the past nor contemplating the future maybes), maybe it was some sortta love, love for everything and anything, i just felt free and happy.

Switching to another topic, what i remember mostly about my childhood is that feeling of not having to please anyone. Even then i think i didn't care much about the things going around, none of it made much sense to me. Maybe deep inside i wanted to fit in but i never showed it. I think i had one of those unique childhoods, that's why i can't remember much of it. I think life for me started when I got a job. But even then, i do remember being the happiest just to watch the rain fall down from the roof, it feels like you're soaring high into the sky. I remembering watching the sun all day long, just to see if it would blind me like my mother said. I remembering being awkward, not sure of what the future held for me. I think i was undecided even then and not really sure of what to do with my life. Now that I’ve made so many choices and i stand where i stand, i don't know if these are the things i really wanted. I tell myself, of course i am happy and things turned out fine, but i do wonder otherwise. What if i really knew, even back then, what to do, what i wanted and to make my own choices. That I’ll never know.

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