two new habits for keeps

I had my very first meditation class yesterday (certainly not the last). Thanks to one of my colleagues.

Well 6 minutes a day it is.

And I am back to being a vegetarian (after 2 months of being haywire). This time it’s a conscious decision.

note on 1st Dec - this will take time to sink in...
note on 26th April - ....NOT (making the borat joke)

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random thoughts

These days, my dad has been telling me time and again that he doesn’t see me say my prayers. Frankly I’ve not prayed for quite some times. I’ve noticed that every time I say my prayer (in routine), my mind is drifting somewhere else. I’m day dreaming, not focusing on the payer. It is better when I say them unconsciously without routine. I do not deeply understand the meaning of ‘Om Ah Hung Benza Guru Pema Siddhi Hung’. What does it mean besides its literal translation? I cannot understand how saying it regularly hundred times a day (without any understanding or concentration) will help me be a better person? Now I am thinking saying these prayer lines is more about showing appreciating to Guru Padma Sambawa for the many miraculous things he did for the benefit of all sentient beings. And this is true for every extraordinarily people living amongst us, who change our lives. It also holds true for events, circumstances and any sort of inspirations that change us and gets us thinking.

My understanding of Buddhism is evolving day by day. Being a kid, it’s all about doing what my parents did as a Buddhist. But now I think Buddhism is more of a path than a religion. It’s a practical way of not just living but living it right. I think Buddhism is more about being good and doing good.

Switching to something else, what is fascinating about human being is that somewhere deep inside, we can somehow segregate what’s good and what’s bad. We really can, either consciously or sub-consciously. If we follow this conscious/sub-conscious mind, we would do a great deal of good to ourselves and the people around us.

I think the concept of ‘being aware’ is just fascinating. I remember while being in Maastricht, my house owner (this old woman in her late 60s), she was really careful while using the any sort of detergent. Her thinking was that it is difficult to treat/purify water with high content of detergent. I think that simple act of being aware of the consequence helped the environment a great deal of pollution. If we become aware of what ever we do everyday, even with a single act of getting receipt from the ATM, we would do so much good to ourselves and everything/everyone around us.

Also I have been thinking about halo around the heads of many god/goddess portrayed in many paintings. This so called 'halo' is depicted by everyone everywhere around the globe is in all sorts of paintings (of extraordinary beings). I think these halos are more of an individual aura. I think when you at that state of awareness (and you do things according to that), the aura that’s invisible becomes like a light/spark or a glow (practically i've seen that sort of glow around extraordinary people i've met), that it can be seen by others.

Well that’s just my many naive thoughts for the day. I hope the sprit of all things good grows (or come alive) inside everyone.
ps: i've over listened to Empire of the Sun

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list of six (portal to my world)

six songs in my head
The Verve - love is noise
Crash Test Dummies - mmm mmm mmm mmm
Pearl Jam - the fixer
Robbert Pattinson - broken
empire of the sun - standing on the shore
mgmt - electric feel

six books i've read recently
Micheal Scott - The Alchemyst
Micheal Scott - The Magician
Micheal Scott - The Sorceress
J.K Rowling - the tales of beedle the bard
jamyang khyentse - what makes you not a buddhist
Lobsang P. Lhalungpa - the life of milarepa

six movies i've seen
Penelope
charade
two for the road
east of eden
the cake eaters
rebel without a cause

six things i'm looking forward to
18th December
new moon
The Necromancer
2010
spring
driving (for real)

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travelling back and forth

Where i live, it is not possible to get to a place without bumping into someone you somehow/sortta know. That’s why, what i like most about traveling outside is that sense of freedom. There is this feeling of not having to say hi or hello to anyone. You can walk miles and miles unnotice. I think sometime that sense of invisibility is freeing.
I was studying outside for almost a year. My school was almost 20 minutes walk from where i lived. Every morning i had my earphone plugged inside my ear and with the 'song of the day' i would walk to my school. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was that carefree atmosphere but whenever i walked to my school, i felt that overwhelming sense of happiness inside my chest, maybe it was that feeling of being in the present (not lingering in the past nor contemplating the future maybes), maybe it was some sortta love, love for everything and anything, i just felt free and happy.

Switching to another topic, what i remember mostly about my childhood is that feeling of not having to please anyone. Even then i think i didn't care much about the things going around, none of it made much sense to me. Maybe deep inside i wanted to fit in but i never showed it. I think i had one of those unique childhoods, that's why i can't remember much of it. I think life for me started when I got a job. But even then, i do remember being the happiest just to watch the rain fall down from the roof, it feels like you're soaring high into the sky. I remembering watching the sun all day long, just to see if it would blind me like my mother said. I remembering being awkward, not sure of what the future held for me. I think i was undecided even then and not really sure of what to do with my life. Now that I’ve made so many choices and i stand where i stand, i don't know if these are the things i really wanted. I tell myself, of course i am happy and things turned out fine, but i do wonder otherwise. What if i really knew, even back then, what to do, what i wanted and to make my own choices. That I’ll never know.

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