A Dialogue with Oneself

I've taken this from http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/
I've been reading a lot of Krishnaji's work these days. I do not know how to explain his speeches and conversations, one has to read it in order to comprehend what he's talking about. I hope this article I've put here will inspire people to read more of his works.

"J. Krashnamurti is regarded as one of the greatest thinkers and teachers of all time. His teaching, besides being relevant to the modern age, is timeless and universal. The core of Krishnamurti’s teaching is contained in the statement he made in 1929 when he said, “Truth is a pathless land”. Man cannot come to it through any organization, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection."

J. Krishnamurti A Dialogue with Oneself

I realize that love cannot exist when there is jealousy; love cannot exist when there is attachment. Now, is it possible for me to be free of jealousy and attachment? I realize that I do not love. That is a fact. I am not going to deceive myself; I am not going to pretend to my wife that I love her. I do not know what love is. But I do know that I am jealous and I do know that I am terribly attached to her and that in attachment there is fear, there is jealousy, anxiety; there is a sense of dependence. I do not like to depend but I depend because I am lonely; I am shoved around in the office, in the factory and I come home and I want to feel comfort and companionship, to escape from myself. Now I ask myself: how am I to be free of this attachment? I am taking that just as an example.

At first, I want to run away from the question. I do not know how it is going to end up with my wife. When I am really detached from her my relationship to her may change. She might be attached to me and I might not be attached to her or to any other woman. But I am going to investigate. So I will not run away from what I imagine might be the consequence of being totally free of all attachment. I do not know what love is, but I see very clearly, definitely, without any doubt, that attachment to my wife means jealousy, possession, fear, anxiety and I want freedom from all that. So I begin to enquire; I look for a method and I get caught in a system. Some guru says: ``I will help you to be detached, do this and this; practise this and this.'' I accept what he says because I see the importance of being free and he promises me that if I do what he says I will have reward. But I see that way that I am looking for reward. I see how silly I am; wanting to be free and getting attached to a reward.

I do not want to be attached and yet I find myself getting attached to the idea that somebody, or some book, or some method, will reward me with freedom from attachment. So, the reward becomes an attachment. So I say: ``Look what I have done; be careful, do not get caught in that trap.'' Whether it is a woman, a method, or an idea, it is still attachment. I am very watchful now for I have learned something; that is, not to exchange attachment for something else that is still attachment.

I ask myself: ``What am I to do to be free of attachment?'' What is my motive in wanting to be free of attachment? Is it not that I want to achieve a state where there is no attachment, no fear and so on? And I suddenly realize that motive gives direction and that direction will dictate my freedom. Why have a motive? What is motive? A motive is a hope, or a desire, to achieve something. I see that I am attached to a motive. Not only my wife, not only my idea, the method, but my motive has become my attachment! So I am all the time functioning within the field of attachment - the wife, the method and the motive to achieve something in the future. To all this I am attached. I see that it is a tremendously complex thing; I did not realize that to be free of attachment implied all this. Now, I see this as clearly as I see on a map the main roads, the side roads and the villages; I see it very clearly. Then I say to myself: ``Now, is it possible for me to be free of the great attachment I have for my wife and also of the reward which I think I am going to get and of my motive?'' To all this I am attached. Why? Is it that I am insufficient in myself? Is it that I am very very lonely and therefore seek to escape from that feeling of isolation by turning to a woman, an idea, a motive; as if I must hold onto something? I see that it is so, I am lonely and escaping through attachment to something from that feeling of extraordinary isolation.

So I am interested in understanding why I am lonely, for I see it is that which makes me attached. That loneliness has forced me to escape through attachment to this or to that and I see that as long as I am lonely the sequence will always be this. What does it mean to be lonely? How does it come about? Is it instinctual, inherited, or is it brought about by my daily activity? If it is an instinct, if it is inherited, it is part of my lot; I am not to blame. But as I do not accept this, I question it and remain with the question. I am watching and I am not trying to find an intellectual answer. I am not trying to tell the loneliness what it should do, or what it is; I am watching for it to tell me. There is a watchfulness for the loneliness to reveal itself. It will not reveal itself if I run away; if I am frightened; if I resist it. So I watch it. I watch it so that no thought interferes. Watching is much more important than thought coming in. And because my whole energy is concerned with the observation of that loneliness thought does not come in at all. The mind is being challenged and it must answer. Being challenged it is in a crisis. In a crisis you have great energy and that energy remains without being interfered with by thought. This is a challenge which must be answered.

I started out having a dialogue with myself. I asked myself what is this strange thing called love; everybody talks about it, writes about it - all the romantic poems, pictures, sex and all other areas of it? I ask: is there such a thing as love? I see it does not exist when there is jealousy, hatred, fear. So I am not concerned with love anymore; I am concerned with `what is', my fear, my attachment. Why am I attached? I see that one of the reasons - I do not say it is the whole reason - is that I am desperately lonely, isolated. The older I grow the more isolated I -- Page 5 -- become. So I watch it. This is a challenge to find out, and because it is a challenge all energy is there to respond. That is simple. If there is some catastrophe, an accident or whatever it is, it is a challenge and I have the energy to meet it. I do not have to ask: ``How do I get this energy?'' When the house is on fire I have the energy to move; extraordinary energy. I do not sit back and say: ``Well, I must get this energy'' and then wait; the whole house will be burned by then.

So there is this tremendous energy to answer the question: why is there this loneliness? I have rejected ideas, suppositions and theories that it is inherited, that it is instinctual. All that means nothing to me. Loneliness is `what is'. Why is there this loneliness which every human being, if he is at all aware, goes through, superficially or most profoundly? Why does it come into being? Is it that the mind is doing something which is bringing it about? I have rejected theories as to instinct and inheritance and I am asking: is the mind, the brain itself, bringing about this loneliness, this total isolation? Is the movement of thought doing this? Is the thought in my daily life creating this sense of isolation? In the office I am isolating myself because I want to become the top executive, therefore thought is working all the time isolating itself. I see that thought is all the time operating to make itself superior, the mind is working itself towards this isolation.

So the problem then is: why does thought do this? Is it the nature of thought to work for itself? Is it the nature of thought to create this isolation? Education brings about this isolation; it gives me a certain career, a certain specialization and so, isolation. Thought, being fragmentary, being limited and time binding, is creating this isolation. In that limitation, it has found security saying: ``I have a special career in my life; I am a professor; I am perfectly safe.'' So my concern is then: why does thought do it? Is it in its very nature to do this? Whatever thought does must be limited.

Now the problem is: can thought realize that whatever it does is limited, fragmented and therefore isolating and that whatever it does will be thus? This is a very important point: can thought itself realize its own limitations? Or am I telling it that it is limited? This, I see, is very important to understand; this is the real essence of the matter. If thought realizes itself that it is limited then there is no resistance, no conflict; it says, ``I am that''. But if I am telling it that it is limited then I become separate from the limitation. Then I struggle to overcome the limitation, therefore there is conflict and violence, not love.

So does thought realize of itself that it is limited? I have to find out. I am being challenged. Because I am challenged I have great energy. Put it differently: does consciousness realize its content is itself? Or is it that I have heard another say: ``Consciousness is its content; its content makes up consciousness''? Therefore I say, ``Yes, it is so''. Do you see the difference between the two? The latter, created by thought, is imposed by the `me'. If I impose something on thought then there is conflict. It is like a tyrannical government imposing on someone, but here that government is what I have created.

So I am asking myself: has thought realized its own limitations? Or is it pretending to be something extraordinary, noble, divine? - which is nonsense because thought is based on memory. I see that there must be clarity about this point: that there is no outside influence imposing on thought saying it is limited. Then, because there is no imposition there is no conflict; it simply realizes it is limited; it realizes that whatever it does - its worship of god and so on - is limited, shoddy, petty - even though it has created marvellous cathedrals throughout Europe in which to worship.

So there has been in my conversation with myself the discovery that loneliness is created by thought. Thought has now realized of itself that it is limited and so cannot solve the problem of loneliness. As it cannot solve the problem of loneliness, does loneliness exist? Thought has created this sense of loneliness, this emptiness, because it is limited, fragmentary, divided and when it realizes this, loneliness is not, therefore there is freedom from attachment. I have done nothing; I have watched the attachment, what is implied in it, greed, fear, loneliness, all that and by tracing it, observing it, not analysing it, but just looking, looking and looking, there is the discovery that thought has done all this. Thought, because it is fragmentary, has created this attachment. When it realizes this, attachment ceases. There is no effort made at all. For the moment there is effort - conflict is back again.

In love there is no attachment; if there is attachment there is no love. There has been the removal of the major factor through negation of what it is not, through the negation of attachment. I know what it means in my daily life: no remembrance of anything my wife, my girl friend, or my neighbour did to hurt me; no attachment to any image thought has created about her; how she has bullied me, how she has given me comfort, how I have had pleasure sexually, all the different things of which the movement of thought has created images; attachment to those images has gone.

And there are other factors: must I go through all those step by step, one by one? Or is it all over? Must I go through, must I investigate - as I have investigated attachment - fear, pleasure and the desire for comfort? I see that I do not have to go through all the investigation of all these various factors; I see it at one glance, I have captured it.

So, through negation of what is not love, love is. I do not have to ask what love is. I do not have to run after it. If I run after it, it is not love, it is a reward. So I have negated, I have ended, in that enquiry, slowly, carefully, without distortion, without illusion, everything that it is not - the other is.

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new templates

Updated both my blogs with new templates . You can find some good ones (eps. for blogger user) here. Its freely downloadable and easy to use. After downloading the template, head to setting, click on design and then click on edit HTML. Upload the new template and your done.

I am using Kesemutan for my anthology and notepad-chaos-2 for this one.

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world of books

some of the books i read during these couple of months. Thanks to all the holidays this September

Buddha, A story of enlightenment - Deepak Chopra

Most stories of Buddha I've read is full of metaphor, almost fairy tale like and it makes you think that Gautama the prince was destined for such a faith. However, this story of Buddha is very much grounded and it feels
real and relatable. This book tells a story of a young man confronted by doubts and demon and his journey and struggle to achieve that ultimate freedom.
There are so many version of Buddha's path to enlightenment. I’ve read few of them. This is very much relevant and relatable to this generation because we are blind to miracle and we scoff at fairy tales. Despite the different versions out there, there is no denying that the story of Buddha inspires understanding of the true nature of life and ourselves.

Philosophy of life and death - M.V. Kamath

An interesting book if you want to know in brief the general philosophy on death around the world under different cultures and religions. The author also accounts on many death experience, you may know most of these authors, actors, poet, humanist, dictators or writers. This i thought was quite interesting. Despite the many experiences shared, i felt the book was more focused more on dying and had nothing much on living. Its an interesting book but it does not contain indepth accounts of things if you are interested in details.

As Time Goes by - Ashok Sawhny

If you love poetry like i do, you will enjoy this book. I love the simplicity of Sawhny's work. The flow of his poem is like a good song, it flows up and down in a smooth rhythm. Its an easy read. Some of his poems are very humorous (like the one about modern art and Picasso). In general i though all the poems here were really good and relaxing.

Glimpse After Glimpse - Sogyal Rinpoche

These are daily insight by SR. Each entry was filled with deep and meaningful messages on life & living, dying, meditational practices, phowa and others. It also contains wisdom messages from a lot of learned masters such as Nysoel Khen Rinpochhe , Einstein and others. However, it’s a very heavy book (heavy in sense of things to absorb and practice). It only made me think, to comprehend is easy but to act on these words is very difficult.

From the murk of Sultry Abyss - B.Boyd

This is Boyd’s second book after ‘White fluffy Clouds’. This book like the prior one contains Boyd’s art work, photography, journal entries and other writings. If I write a book, I probably would want it to be something like this, a combination of photography, free verse and some random thoughts. Daniel thought I was crazy for buying this book because there wasn’t much of writing in it and it was quite expensive.
Not a book for just anybody useless you are a huge Boyd fan and you would buy anything related to the band incubus. Boyd’s art and photographs I though was quite good and you can sense his passion in it. However, i did not get much from his writing, it was bit too exegetated and self-indulgent. He uses too much metaphors and I did not understand if they were there for humor of it or plain sarcasm. Like i said, not a book for you unless you are a Boyd fan.

Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom

An inspiring book on love, compassion, happiness, openness, acceptance, inclusion, values and human relationship. There's so much to learn from this book. This i definitely recommend.

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random thoughts

I think in order to be a good writer you have to have a childlike fascination and awe to everything you experience, be it sitting in a cubical and feeling the ground tumble and rumble underneath your feet, watching the rain drip from the roof or blinding yourself watching at the white clouds. A week ago, I took a three day ride in a sleeper class train. Train rides in India is fascinating, it feels like you are in a house on wheel where you sleep when you want to sleep, eat when you want to eat, shit and throw all kinds of garbage on the railway tracks. I recommend travelling in the month of June and July, but not those ac ones. I could write gazillion things about that experience, about the stench in the air, the extreme heat, so on and so forth but I just can’t. Now that I think about it, I think I was dead to that experience. It has only been few days and I can’t remember much of anything. I guess that’s why if you want to write something good, you have to stay awake to the moment and feel everything move and groove around you (with some sort of creativity and naivety).

Another thing to think about; A good idea is great but if it is accompanied by good intention, it takes one a long way and along that way it changes the world. There are gazillion people who've good ideas but just because the whole intention of that idea is built on a selfish foundation, it doesn't do anyone any good.

When I really think about it, I think what ever we do in life is quite insignificant. We make such fuss about the things we do and much greater fuss when things don’t go our way, but then again, does it really matter? I mean I have this feeling that we are probably characters in a big soap opera kind of setting where a giant big eye is watching us with pop corn in his hand.

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a song for you

Do you see me now
A waddling fool
Swirling my arms around
This is a song for you.

Pluses running through headphone
Drowning like a drizzle
Sinking like a current
You creep in
You lulled me to dream.

Waltzing comet
As seen from outer space
Arms beneath my head
Watching a cosmic boogie
I remember & whistled
a song for you.

from my anthology collection
(something i wrote for my husband)

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random thoughts and book

I've noticed that as and when we talk positively (genuinely) about people, neighbors, events, whether, work, bosses or any other things, we tend to automatically feel good about these things, even if the situation is otherwise. It’s a healthy exercise you ought to try. Some may call it being totally oblivious to reality, but I think it’s no point focusing on the murky aspect of life, unless you can do something about it. The fact that night turns to day, and shadow turns to night is the best consolation that’s there.

I've started reading SR's "glimpse after glimpse'. I have had this book for years but never really thought about reading it. I think its hard reading books on religion because you just can't read them like any other books. Every line, every sentence is packed with meaning and sometimes it hard to understand or comprehend them. I've started reading GAG few days ago and I am in awe. Unlike other books, this is SR's daily reflection and thoughts.

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don't stop believing

A great song to start the day/week... nothing beats music/bands from the 1980s

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random thoughts

I think the most simple questions in life are the most difficult to answer. Like, what do you like, what do you dislike... Is it because we’re so much focused on what is going on outside ourselves that we don’t find time to travel inside our head? But then again, the answers to these questions depend on a daily basis. I like to think that everyday I wake up, I’m someone new. You’re never the same person you were yesterday though you have these layers of memories.

‘Memories’, I wonder if that’s all our life is? For now I am in this time and space and it seems like nothing I’ve done or will happen, matters. I wonder if what’s going on inside our head is the so called ‘mind’ or ‘soul’. I do believe in fact that the mind will live on, with or without the physical residue. But its fascination how this body, in a way enable us to do so many things beyond ourselves, but most of the time we don’t and we won’t.

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mondays & fridays

Mondays, trying to get so many things done that I’m starting to lose track of what i am doing in the first place. Boy! We run too much that we forget what we are chasing in the first place.
Fridays, trying to rap things up for the week but to think about it, i wonder if there is an end to anything. I think we are like guinea pig running in a wheel set in motion. There's no stopping or putting an end to anything.

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murdering smog

I am under constant smog these days. No one seems to talk anything good about the management and any other thing in general around here. I think things are not that bad but with the constant negativity you’re under, you tend to think otherwise. Maybe I am naive and unwittingly optimistic about things with bit too much of an oomph than necessarily required. This ‘optimism’, I’ve started to notice (just some days ago) is starting to fade. I think it has got to do with all the things that are being buzzed here and there. It started on Thursday, 10th June 2010 when I unnecessarily said something unnecessary to someone towards the end of the day. It wasn’t much of anything, but it didn’t feel good. And I am beginning to notice, my ears are starting to work less in process of getting all my creative ideas killed. The only way forward is to listen to what these people are talking around here and nod your head, whether you agree or disagree. One thing I’ve notice about humanity is that no one says anything good behind a person’s back. Its quite pathetic and sad but its true, I don’t know, maybe its some sort of bizarre issue we human have or maybe it’s the only case here. I do sound unnecessarily handicap when I say all these things but sometimes it’s better not to say anything, especially when you’re pouring water in a filled glass. Plus no one listen these day, everyone just wants to talk and ignorantly think that the things coming out of their mouth will save the world (seriously!). I do feel like shaking a body or two and saying, ‘come on, wake up!’ but sometimes I don’t really care much.

For now, I hope that my ego never blinds me and nothing makes me lose my calm and sanity.

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random thoughts

Bit annoyed at the moment though I am acting calm and all that which I tend to do a lot, I mean acting otherwise. Maybe I’m just another quack or my face is not as transparent as it ought to be. But then again, these futile things like this and that, it really doesn’t matter (if you think and think about it). I guess sometimes you learn more and become more of what you are with the huddles you face. If everything had gone according to plan, it would have been just another day but since it has not, I have thing or two to learn about myself, basically how I deal with situations like these. For now I know that things like these won’t shake or break me. I did complain a bit here and there but in less that an hour, I was fine about it. After all there are bigger problems that people face on a day to day basis and seriously it doesn’t make any sense to make a big deal out of things that are insignificant as these. This reminds me, maybe we are the Whos living on a tiny speck.

I’m raving again.

I was just reading an article on HHSR. I was quite surprised to come across those scandals and allegation he faced in the early 1990s. It made me think, that there are things that are misunderstood, like the humanness of supposedly enlightened masters. I have this picture or rather image of them and see them as an embodiment of universal love with nonhuman (almost alien) characteristics, simply put, without desire, greed, anger, begot, judgment and all those negative aspect of being a human. I also think that they probably walk with this glow of aura (or halo) we don’t see. I guess to a normal person (like me), it’s quite disappointing and total breach of trust when succumb with the fact otherwise. I guess these spiritual masters have an image to live upto, not that it matters to them (being enlightened) but it does to the common folks. But sometimes I think I’ll have to be reminded (once again) that it’s the teaching that matters and not the teacher.

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to take the wheel

The number of vehicle in this town that I live in is increasing day by day. So far I always brag that ours is the only capital that does not have the street signs (it’s weird but quite unnecessary thus far) but I think at this rate we will need those very soon. People don’t even follow the one-way traffic rules. Sometimes it feels like if you can drive in this crazy town, you could drive anywhere.

I don’t drive. I think that’s probably my biggest handicap. Seriously I feel like one of my arms is broken or missing, not knowing how to drive, swim or bike. I’ll probably drown or be run over. I think it’s probably out of laziness, lack of time, circumstances or something imbedded deep in my sub-conscious cranium. I did have few lessons from here and there but it never amounted to anything. This year I’ve told myself that, I bloody WILL take the wheel. Between my job and my family, it’s very hard to find time to do anything else. I wonder how this ever happened. My mind is too much focused on the external things that are happening around me, it’s dragging me here and there that I often forget myself. HHSR, in one of his teaching mentions that in process of 'being selfish' that is not forgetting oneself, one often benefits the society as a whole. A.S, an economist couldn't agree more with HHSR's point of view.

For now I’m in process of reading this book called ‘Philosophy of life and death’ by M.V. Kamath. It’s a fascinating book. It accounts for different but similar viewpoint or prospective on ‘after death journey’ as one might want to call it. Was lucky to stumble upon this book. Next on my list of books to read is ‘A brief history in time’ by Stephen Hawking.

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mom's garden

pictures taken yesterday

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physic - truly fascinating

I am starting to wish that i paid more attention to Physic when i was in high school. Quantum Theory, cosmology, black holes, theory of relativity are fascinating though my knowledge on these topics are fussy and so tiny almost at sub-atomic level (making the physic joke). I'm in process of reading this book called 'Stephen Hawking quest for theory of everything' by Kitty Ferguson. The author rightly puts that the book is 'full of paradoxes. In science and with people, things are often not what they seem, and pieces that ought to fit together refuse to do so. You'll learn that beginning may be endings; cruel circumstances can lead to happiness, although fame and success may not .... anywhere we look in our universe, we find that reality is amazingly complex and elusive, sometimes alien, not always easy to take, impossible to predict.'

I think if i had paid more attention to the subject, i would have been able to understand the jelly fishes floating in the air, mechanism of live and death, the beginning of beginning and whole other set of things. For now these are questions in my head. But then again, things on boarder scale apply to things on smaller scale and to understand the macro prospective, its simpler when you understand the micro aspect of it. Thus at some weird point there is similarity as to why countries, neighbors and families don't get along and how our body is this vast universe of flying orbs. I guess in some sense we are this moving ball of energy? I wonder if the things we do under the circumstances we are in is out of free will or something more.

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deviant art

some pictures i took months ago.

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Yesterday I was telling someone that I do not have this thing about missing home, parents, husband, child, friends, places and anything that people usually and normally miss. Well even as I said those words, it did not sound right. She must have thought I’m this heap of ice without any feeling. I think i was lying when i said those things. However, I do think ideally it would be ideal to not have that sense of attachment to people, places, work, feeling, etc and just live in the moment moving on.

Interconnectivity is the word that i remember from this teaching i attended on Saturday. All lives and things are interconnected, interdependent and interlinked and it’s amazing when you sit back, contemplate and think about these things (starting from a tiny speck to the mighty universe). That’s why our personal problems; be it death, dispute, deadlines, disease or distress is really insignificant and not worth worrying about if you see the bigger panorama.

I was reading some stuff on cosmology, the following lines is something to think about.
"It should be apparent that this incredible process contains within it a distressing paradox: As the world system follows a path to greater material progress, each upward step on the material plane is accompanied by a corresponding downward movement of psychic or spiritual degeneration"

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some extraction from this supposedly plot-less unpublished book titled 'a life less lived' i wrote ages ago.

on life
I’m too human to be the kind of person that I want to be. If you ask me what I want to be, I’ll probably say I want to be those jelly-fishes floating in the air on sunny days, provided there’s a mighty wind that’ll take me as far as the white fluffy clouds

If life is nothing but a memory, I have only memorized the mistakes I’ve made. So I start to think that with each layer of live lived, I've a new layer of regret to carry forward. I think I’m losing my sense of wonder and innocence with every new layer of year added on me like its necessary. Even if I deny I won’t be the child I was. I could act like one but it’ll only make me look insane.

I feel like I was just born on this very day. The past of my being has been transmitted into layers of recollection in my head. But with the kind of forgetful head that I have, I guess I can very well say that I got no past to define me. So I guess I’m not lying when I say I was born now, at this very moment. And this moment keeps on moving forward with every tick tock. With every second on the clock, my skin withers away, it becomes the un-become and I grow closure to the ultimatum. If I ever knew my time would come, I’ll happily go to this desolated beach that I’ve locked in my head. I’ll go there and look into the ocean. There’s so much freedom in the vastness of an ocean or the cosmic Jacuzzi or the space blanket that I’m sheltered in. But I would feel the chain that ties me up to the world I belong.

Nowadays I complain a lot about the weather. Sometimes its either too hot or its too cold.

Funny how you just forget all those hours of anticipation and wait when the hour actually comes

on menstrual cramp
It still feels like I had a bullet ran into my stomach. I crunch my abdomen hoping for quick relief. But it’s in nature to feel this pain with every drip of fluid flowing out of me. The periodic pain started when I turned twelve. The first time it happened I really didn’t know what was happening with me. My mom never told me that a thing like that happens with our kind of species. I didn’t even realize what was happening to me then. So there I was thinking I was dying but I didn’t. I told no one out of embarrassment, not even my mother. She probably knew it anyway. So here I am clutching my abdomen like I was hit very hard. I was pretending to be one of those tragic characters in the giant black screen. I can be quite mad sometimes.

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started a new blog.

link here

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I think I’ll snap and do something totally wicked just because there is this credence pushing me down. Well I am metaphorically speaking but that’s the situation I am in right now, at this very moment. Well if you must know, I work with this crazy ssa (bs) who breaths down my neck. He is an embodiment of prejudices, corruption, pride, anger and all that sortta thing. I’ve skillfully avoided seeing his ugly face for sometime but despite that it’s no good. Well I’m not here to talk anything bad about him, its not worth it but I think at any given point of time coercion, seduction, manipulation, oppression or anything such as that should not force, induce or provoke you to do something immoral or unethical. ‘See the bigger picture’ and the light at the end of the tunnel. One good thing about anything is that it doesn’t last. The concept of ‘impermanence’ is truly comforting and consoling. Therefore be it anger, agitation, sadness, heart-break or pain, it will fad away into compassion, freedom, happiness, love and joy. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s not worth doing something wrong just because situation compels you to. It’s always better to do things right. At the end of the day, you answer only to yourself.

I’ve stopped thinking that I work for people or institution. I think at the end of the day if with what you do, you have ultimately helped or benefited someone other than yourself, that’s the thing thats worthwhile. I think its all with the intention of a greater good. After all I am a ‘public’ servant.

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random thoughts

Women are mad creatures. I am one and sometimes (most of the time I should say) I seriously do not understand the things I do, forget women in general. The thing with us is that we tend to read in between the lines (a lot). Like for instance, you may say one thing but we have this tendency of figuring our one and million things out of that the one thing you say. Crazy! But it’s true.

I guess maybe it’s the fact that I understand my own species better, I unintentionally keep my distance from them. I fear them, especially their raw emotion. I don’t know what to do when they get touchy and close. I feel uneasy in situation like that. Maybe it’s a good thing, maybe its not. For my behaving like one, I’ve been putting the blame on the hormones.

Another thing I just realized is that I have hardly talked to the person on the other side of my cell, forget my neighbors. Is it work? Is it family? Is it time? I wonder if it’s a good thing not to have those humanly interaction. Men supposedly are ‘social creature’. Sometimes it’s good to get away from all that sortta thing but something nothing or too less of a something makes you question some things inside your cranium, ‘Is it normal?’ but what is ‘normal’ anyways.

People are fascinating, well some of them, not all. Met one earlier today. At some point we were basically talking about deities (out of all things to talk about). I was wondering if such a thing exists in any random places. Apparently they supposedly are. He was also talking about this yogi that lived 3400 years, if such a thing is possible. Apparently he travelled all around the globe under different alias doing wonders, magic and living life. His body was a ray of light, transcendent and magnificent. These are tales told today, some of which are now a myth. But I guess your mind has to be an open book to sink into unusual things as these. Just because you don’t see, can’t touch, smell or hear does not mean its not there. We have this perception and belief that what we see, hear, touch and feel is the truth. Maybe we’re not looking hard enough, maybe we don’t listen or maybe we don’t concentrate hard enough to feel things around us. The possibility of life beyond ours and the possibilities of things beyond what we see, hear and feel is simply facilitating and romantic (in some sense).

For now I’m little less here and little more there

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