i am a happy vegetarian

People ask me if i am a vegetarian because i am a Buddhist. Well it’s nothing like that, it’s just the thought of eating something that lived is kindda hard to comprehend, especially if you are eating an animal you love. Of course i am not crazy about animal and I've never had a pet except for cat and i am not so crazy about them either. I think I’ve been a vegetarian as long as i can remember. My parent tells me that i use to get really sick when i ate meat so i was asked not to eat any. During my teenage years i did try eating meat but i think it was something i did out of curiosity and the fact that i was no longer getting sick when i had them. But I think I feel much cleaner (my digestive system) when I don’t eat meat. The thing is why can't we just live and let live. It’s amazing that people can eat a species to an extent that it becomes extent from the face of the earth.

Last time when I was at delft, my host was making a chicken stew. She was basically making a dish out of chicken hearts (and those were really beautiful tiny hearts). I think there was hundred or more of it. She was saying that slaughter houses usually throw them away as waste. Its not that I have anything against people who are non-veg for my husband is as non-veg as a person can get. It’s funny that when we were going out, the fact that I was a vegetarian was a bit of a concern for him.

I’ve also this crazy or rather stupid thing about not eating honey. I’ve never tasted honey my life except every recently and that to by accident. My house owner (who’s at her early 70s and loves classical music) invited me over to eat like she always do. She cut a brown bread for me and spread jam over it (at least that’s what I thought). But later when I had a mouthful of it she was kind enough to inform me that it was honey. When I told her I don’t eat honey, she was basically amused and though I was stupid (i don't blame her for thinking that way). She said honey is 'medicine from the nature' and was good for my health. But I told her how I felt. Imagine someone working day and night to earn $100 and later someone comes along and takes away that hard earned cash. Well how would that person feel? Of course I am not trying to sound so melodramatic and no one knows for sure how the bee feels but I choose to do things that makes me feel happy and i think that's what's important.

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confused as always

I am back from another weird lunch invitation. The reason why it was weird is because i don't think i ate anything except for some salted cashew nuts. I guess i have to apprehend with the fact that i am on the other side of the globe and a lunch invitation does not necessarily include eating.

Well the days are running out and i need to work diligently towards my thesis proposal. The thing is that there is so much to write about and i am not too sure if the topic i choose is a good one. I guess I’ll have to stick to it and stop doing other things. Here is a plan intend to keep by the end of holiday, 'make up my mind'.

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holiday in Delft

Well after a long time i went out of this town for few days. It was definitely a good experience, considering the fact that i was nearly thrown out of the train and got seriously hit by an old granny (she was driving crazy with the bike), which reminds me that my leg still hurts. The funny thing was that after i got hit, it was me who was apologising and i told her it was ok. Sometimes i am just too nice for my own good.

Sometimes when you come back from something or somewhere, it feels like none of the things you experienced actually happened. Things just become a memory and i can't even say if it was for real. Like for instance, i am back in maas and it feels like i was never out of this town in the first place and did all the things i did. It is as if i was here the whole time and this feeling sure sucks, not that i like clinging on to good things cause i certainly don't. I believe in 'impermanance' of everything (life, love and the world) but sometimes when you experience such sortta feeling, it makes you wonder what's real, what's illusion and everything kindda goes blurry.

On a lighter side, i discovered this really awesome singer by the name of Siobhan Donaghy. She's one talented singer songwriter and sort of under-rated in many ways. Sometimes the world just do not appreciate pure talent and that sucks cause there are so many artist who are just too over-rated and not even worth listening to while they are being awarded with all the awards there is. For now, i am in love with her voice, so see it for yourself here.

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Today as i headed to the train station i was reminded of something very interesting (don't know if that's the right word) about this place. Here being sane cost more than wanting to be insane. My friend and I met up at this place to catch up of some stuff (or rather an excuse to meet). Well, being the Dutch that he is, he ordered beer and i for no good reason (or a very good) ordered a hot cup of water.
I don't know what i thought but coming from a place where water is abundantly flowing everywhere, I didn’t think it would cost four euros. Not that it matter cause I like this place anyway. And tomorrow I head to Delft to meet with a friend working with the ADB. She plans to drag me along with her to the places she’ll go.
Walking the street today I realized I was wrong about one thing. There are more people now than there was before the holidays. And even if friends you care about are with families in Switzerland, skiing in winter show, heading to Cameron or da da… you just make the best of what’s ‘now’, call up friends who’re still here, eat tomato soup, buy some stuff, go home and make the worst noodles, watch a political documentary that only ends up depressing you, and ultimately have a good time with them.

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back from dinner but rather hungry

Today i was invited by a Nigerian friend for dinner. She turns 50 today. It was good to get out of my solitude and the prospect of eating something other than my own cooking seemed great. But turns out all the food in the table were non-veg (apparently they eat only meat). So here i am, back home, rather hungry, eating noodles again. Even my ears hurt from all the loud conversations the men were having about how a typical African guy controls his woman and how her place is in the kitchen, which of course I do not agree at all. But I don’t think I said anything because my voice was drowned in those really loud conversations. Sometimes the more I know about the rest of the world, the more I am glad to be from where I am from.

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thoughts for today

There are points in your life when you realize that the people you give so much thought, attention and concern is not worth your time and energy. I've felt this about so many people I’ve met and called friends but at some point of your life you just comprehend with the fact that they are not your friends or anything for that matter. It’s not even the question of being used but i think i am smart enough to understand and read people's thoughts on their face and gesture. I think I’ve never felt bad when that sort of thing happened to me, probably because the person never meant much to me in the first place. I don't know if saying such a thing should deem me bad but i think there shouldn't be anything in life that should make you feel bad for long time. 'Move on', that's my motto in life. To think about it, i think the thought of getting to really know a person is kindda uncomfortable and scary. There is no such thing as beauty (in sense of everything that's good in life) that 'skin deep' that i know of except for one person whom i ended up marrying.

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My brother introduced me to Spitz, a Japanese band formed in the late 1980s. They are very pleasant to listen to and some of their songs makes you wanna learn Japanese. Though i don't know or understand the language, i know two of their songs very well. I came across this video today and it makes me feel happy in midst of doing nothing. The song is titled 'Hadaka no mamade' which basically means 'naked as we are'

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Home Alone

Today I said goodbye to my flat mates and wish them a wonderful holiday ahead. They leave for holiday and so here I am home alone. Not that I didn’t have plans to go somewhere but somehow I cannot due to some technical stuff which I rather not talk about. It would be nice to take the risk and just go somewhere but then again I don’t want to be thrown in some European penitentiary. It’s a long holiday ahead of me and by the end of it I plan to have some major work done on my masters’ thesis. For now I feel pretty happy to have to whole house for myself and I want to see how I handle two week of solitude. I think if a person can handle being alone, he can pretty much handle anything. Not that this is a new experience for me. I think sometimes I just get too sick of being surrounded by people that I rather enjoy being alone. You feel like you have so much time in hand. But then again what is beautiful about this life is human interaction. It is the cause for happiness, love, pain, suffering, jealousy, compassion and every other thing, unless one wants to refrain from feeling all these emotions.
This is a really small town and each day you see people draining out to some other places. I guess during the holidays, the whole town will be empty.

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lucky for 2nd time

‘Be mindful’ that’s what Buddha said. If only I had been mindful I would not have lost my purse for the second time. I have my passport, my student card and everything there. It would have been a big headache if I did not get it back. The first time it was my phone and the bank card. It was a reckless night of total mindlessness. Today obviously something else has been bugging my mind so I didn’t even think of putting my purse back after paying for the lunch. Lucky for me I get it back for the second time.
I imagined the worse things when I was heading to the art cafeteria to see if they had it. Someone was nice enough to drop it at the secretariat. Here is my big heartfelt thanks to the person who left if there (OOO). People like you make this world worthwhile and as for me, this is the last time i lose any of my belonging (seriously!).

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Brandon's book

I can’t believe how difficult it is to get hold of Brandon’s book. I basically went to all (well probably not all but quite a lot) bookstores in Maastricht to order for the two book, ‘white fluffy clouds’ and his latest ‘from the murks of the sultry abyss’. Actually to think about it, I couldn’t really understand three words from the title of the second book. Getting hold of the two books would probably make me more happy than taking a trip to Paris and seeing the eiffel tower.

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thoughs for today

Well there is this old saying ‘don’t repeat the same mistake twice’ or something like that, I can’t exactly remember. For now, I can’t really understand what’s making a mistake anyway. And how do you know for sure if something you’ve done, despite the fact that it makes you happy should be labeled as a ‘mistake’. Someone once told me that the smartest person is the least happy and the happiest ones are not necessarily the smartest. To really think about it, I think it’s true. When you are smart, you always have your head telling you gazillion things like do this and be like that. To think about it, I think the reason why people drink so much is so that they can be stupid and do things that actually make them happy. Not that I recommend anyone to get drunk and be stupid. I think the things that you do when you are saner are the once that makes you the happiest in long run. But what is being happy anyways?

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This was probably the longest weekend since i came here. I walked to the 2nd highest point without the slightest effort. It was a beautiful day though.

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Its been snowing in Maastricht since yesterday. It is cold but also makes you wish you were outside playing. I have to remind myself to get a pair of gloves and some warm clothes. Its a beautiful day!

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ok now

Well the day started confused and tromenting but i am fine now.
I guess despite all the worst things you do in life, you have to forgive yourself, move on and laugh about it (this is really tough but it helps).
I've also learnt some very important lessons in life. There are two things i'm definately not doing anymore from now on.
Problems, it's always better to confront them than to run away from it.

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Black out

Have you every felt like throwing yourself in a river or jumping out of a building to excape from something horrible you've done (without anysense what so ever). That's excately how i feel right now. I won't elloborate into the details of it but i was certainly not myself.
Who was i if i was not me?

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The path i take

The road to school

The road to the farmer

A road to nowhere!

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I think i am really bad with making decision. Sometimes i am so sure of what i want but most of the time it takes just too much time. For now i got to decide weather i want to do 'Risk and Uncertainty' or 'Economics of Welfare State'. ummmmmm... tough decision:(

I think i am really growing to like this band...Gem, they were rocking last time. Oh! i've already said that.

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On the lighter note, yesterday I went with one of my roommates to watch an Indi Rock concert. The band is called ‘Gem'. They are from Utrecht and was founded in 2003. Their new hit single ' she said', 'look' and others were played during the concert.  A very energetic band with good melody.

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Beautiful World

Some pictures i took very recently. The world is a beautiful place and you can see it in moments and places like these.

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I had a wonderful birthday. I got these flowers from two good friends (who are newly in love). Come to think about it, my husband never got me flowers (when we were 'going out'). When i told him that he never got em for me, he wouldn't agree (like always). I don't argue, i let him win like always:) but come to think about it, he did get me couple of roses.

My roomies got me something to make soup with. It’s a machine that powers the dish and its awesome. I don't remember getting anything sensible for my bd from anyone. Since i'm the oldest in this apartment, i've been referred to as the 'mother' figure. Not that i mind, but i guess the way you look at everything and anything changes once you have a child of your own.

The funny thing is I also get 12 free movie tickets from the bank with one year validity. Well I guess nice things happens to nice people:)

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Some pictures i took very recently in the street of Maastricht.
A friend of mine has Indian smell in his kitchen. wow!! Garam Masala and coconuts. It was just awesome. Those are few of the spices he used for the pumkin soup he made.

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Well these pictures were taken few months ago when i went to Punakha. I sure like to think that i am good at photography. But on the other hand someone said that there is no bad picture you could take of Bhutan and that i think is so true.

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Here i am in Maastrich. It has been few days since i came. Well i think that my body has perfectly adjusted to the weather here because my cold is now getting a lot better. The weather is almost as same as back home but walking the streets here is very pleasant since its neither going up nor down. Considering the fact that Thimphu is almost two to three thousand meter above the sea level and Maastricht is almost at sea level, its amusing to see a familiar sort of weather.

I had my tutorial. Its was ok. I guess i have too much expectation for the first day. People studying here are so very young. Even so, it seems like everyone wants to have a PhD before they get into a job. This morning i was telling this guy that we spend almost one third or more of our life in class room. Aren’t there any other things important in life besides education? Of course when i say education, i am talking about the class room sort of learning. i suppose one could very well ask weather education is really important to be a better person. It seems quite important to look better though. Sometimes i feel that the way we do things and the way we impose certain unwritten norms just makes life too complicated.

Anyway i am far from what i was thinking first. As of now, things are going good. I am very surprised to know that all Dutch people i've met know more or less about where i come from. I am also surprised to see people eager to meet me. I probably ended up disappointing to their expectation since I am someone who can camouflage in anywhere.

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Long Goodbye

Early this morning I had to say goodbye to my eighteen months old son. He was still sleeping while I got dressed at six in the morning and had an early breakfast. Time was running out so quickly I don’t feel much like going for my studies though it seemed like a pretty good idea at first.

So the time came and I kissed him goodbye for the whole 365 day while he is sleeping cool and calm in his bed (probably dreaming waking up with his mother by his side).
I just couldn’t stop crying when I left his room. It is just so hard.

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Room in Maastricht

Gee! Finding a room is Maastricht is a big headache as far as I am concern. I’ve been using home-abroad.nl but so far it has not been of much help to me. I’ve put 20 application and 18 are rejected. I am sure the other two will be rejected as well. I am done for if I don’t find one by end of August.

On a positive note, I though I’ll share a picture I took this weekend (from my home). Nothing much with me these days, but same old things happening again.

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Happy Weekend ^_^

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A bad case of cold and work

My parents have this habit of bragging that they never had to take us to hospital when we were little. Basically none of us three had any serious illness that couldn’t be treated at home with the indigenous medical expertise of my mom. Now as I get older, it’s comical to see a fever make me bed ridden for days. The fever probably came from the cold I got from my son, as a result of which my tonsil really hurts at the moment.

And while I am it I hate people who complain about what they are paid to do. I’ve noticed that people who complain are the ones who really do nothing at all. These people deserve to be kicked in their butt and thrown out of work. Frankly, they do noone any good. The thing about these people is that, they don’t have the capacity to take positive criticism but would rather mess-up up the minds of people who are working really hard. Taking about work place, did I mention how much I hate the BB. I just met him few minutes ago, I was just scribbling ‘f*** you old man’ on my notepad while he went on blab blab…. His constant complements don’t mean much to me, I doubt if he means them at all. What do I care if he got a red scarf. And I still haven’t put up the courage to call him an ass yet but I will one day, because he is and he sure deserves to know that.

I’ve been working worst than a donkey lately, the only time I get to read is when I am doing my thing in the toilet. I probably sound like a complain box but this is the last time I will, cause the place I work at is becoming more and more gloom. People around me fight for silliest reason and all the good people are leaving for greener pasture. Of course it doesn’t matter as long as I do the things I do, and I do them great. But it’s only human to have humanely interaction and in process, it does bring you down.

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Ugly Boss

Lately he (the big boss) has been making life difficult on everyone. As far as I know, the only problem I see is him. Remove him from our work equation, and viola! You’ll see productivity.

There was this rumors that he’s planning to put CCTV in our workplaces (the one you see in the supermarket and banks, where the manager is constantly peeking if customer are picking anything from the rack without paying). That time I thought it was an exaggeration of his malevolence but now this has become a reality for us. I constantly see my colleagues breaking down into tears because he is such an ass. Next time I see him, I’ll let him know he is an ass, big one.

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Case of two Cows

Today i feel quite up, so i though i'll share this rather interesting article shared by one of my colleagues.

You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

You have two cows. You worship them.

You have two cows. Both are mad.

You have two cows. You eat both.

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online course

These days, I’m doing an online course with my university on Governance and Political Science. Apparently the course is designed for those who don’t have much know-how about the subject.

This week we are suppose to discuss the first case. I download two reference materials from the site and tried reading them this weekend. They are so boring and I can’t really understand what the two authors are trying to say as they are drawing up somany references and hardly saying anything about them. I ended up reading the same pages over and over again without realizing I’ve already read them. I’ve even slept twice though the reading despite my skipping the lunch. So you can comprehend how boring it is.

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12 Angry Men

There was a time when I use to watch four to five movies in a day. But now I don’t even have the patient to see one movie though. The latest movie I watched was ‘Horton’. I am bit of a fanatic when it comes to animation. I think anime need not necessarily be enjoyed by kids, it can be enjoyed by adult as wells. That’s what I say these days since I am in my late twenties.

Of late I have been watching Miyazaki’s creations. For those of you who don’t know who Miyazaki is, he’s the creator of animation such as Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle. What I like about his work is his way of telling stories in them and how he always draws on female characters to tell his stories.

One of the good movies I’ve watched in a long time is 12 Angry Men. Directed by Sidney Lumet in 1957, the main character is played by Henry Fonda. Now 1950s was the time when rest of the movies were made in colour and there was huge attraction for it. However this movie was purposely shot in BW.

The story begins after the closing argument has been presented on a murder case. The 12 jury enters a room. They are to unanimously agree on the final verdict. One would feel that watching the 12 guys in a room throughout the movie would be droning but its not. After watching movies like these, you feel ignominy for all the huge budgeted movies and blockbuster. What a movie needs is simplicity and a good story.

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Act Surprised

Have you met people who talk to you with big surprises? Like when you say ‘oh hi, I’m from this place called this’, and they go ‘OOHHHH WOOW realllllllllllllllllllly, WOWWWWWWWWW that’s AAAMMAAZING’, and they won’t stop wowing on every thing you say. I’ve particularly noticed that about people from the west. I once met a lady from Holland who was traveling in the same bus as me and she talked all the way to our trip like that.

The things about people talking like that is, it makes you feel very funny. Funny in a sense that it either makes you feel dull or very silent even when you are talking. And when you notice that the other person does start to talk normally, its make you feel that s/he is bored. Anyways nothing against people talking like that, but it is annoying after sometime cause it really can’t be possible that everything coming out of your mouth is that shocking.

Yesterday I was watching Zay Harding’s trekking in Vietnam and Laos on Globe Trekker. I was so happy with his presentation that I googled the guy, only to find out that he was or is an X- rated movie star. Not that it matters, because he is really good at hosting travel show. Humor, modesty and wit, he’s got it all. Once again the show ended with him taking off his top (this time on an elephant), not that we the women species complain.

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Happiness - Step one

There is no good feeling like the feeling of contentment. Contentment, as a result of doing something good, not for yourself but for someone other than you. This afternoon a person who was physically impaired came to my rescue. You can say that today I was able to make a positive contribution to his life and that really makes me happy. I think everyone who is anyone should help if you are in a position to do so. We should never insolate ourselves from the other person, because when you get to know them, it’s an interesting adventure. You’ll either like them or hate them but at least you’ll know what stuff the other person is made of. In most cases I must say people are good inside though they tend to portray that hard core character from outside. But I don’t know if I can say the same for my boss’s boss. The things that are talked about him are going from bad to worst. There was this rumors that he has spies everywhere, filling his ears with whatever we are doing and saying. What kind of person keeps spies?

When the clock strikes 5, I prefer not to talk or think about my professional life. People tend to say that one should not be mixing professional and personal live, but isn’t the professional life a part of one’s personal life?

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It is very difficult working under bosses who cannot see things the way you do. And it’s much difficult working with bosses who are intellectually a little behind than you because half of the time you are explaining to them but still they don’t get it. Just few minutes ago, I presented a figure (it’s very simple if you ask me because every thing is there with all the other tiny details) but my boss already has a headache. I am explaining this is like this and that is that. Since he doesn’t understand, I am asked to explain directly to his boss, who if you ask me as an ass, because he losses his temper for no good reason and thinks he is always right.

So I went to his chamber and presented him with the figures. By the look of his face, I can tell he is already confused and will not want to be understood though I explain. It’s like he’s already getting a headache. Gee! It’s not like I’ve done the math using calculus. Anyways I am asked to make it in a simpler form.

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pasta and fried potatoes

From what people told me, Singapore is a place where everyone who’s anyone with any sort of preference can eat. Being a vegetarian I must say, I had to eat rice and noodles cooked in chicken stew. It’s just a way of adding flavor to the food and I must say it does taste good, but I am not such a big fan of eating animals or insects of any sort. I think they look more graceful and beautiful alive.

While in Singapore a group of us went to the night safari thing they have there. The whole trip was so very confusing because I could hazily see any of the animals because it was a ‘night’ safari. Lala from our group is very much found of animals and she was saying her daughter is crazy about them. Her daughter has a pink pig for pet, which i though was really cool. However I do not understand why she eats them. She has this thing about trying out all sort of different menu (basically cooked/uncooked/half cooked animals and insects) while she’s alive. I wonder how the pet pig feels about this. One can only imagine.

Back home we have this saying ‘a yak dies to be born as the yak herder and the yak herder dies to be born as a yak’. Basically the circle never ends.

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My Favorite Book

This is my favorite lines from Brandon Boyd’s first book ‘White Fluffy Clouds’, I have not read at the moment, only because it was very hard to get a copy though I tried every possible thing.

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Before my son turned I year old, I use to celebrate him getting old very month. Nothing fancy and big but I remembered and made sure that the family celebrated it with a really good tea party or sometimes when I was in mood, a good dinner. He turned 15 months old on Saturday but I realized it only on Sunday. So much so about an enthusiasm dying out.

This is a picture i took on a flight from home. White fluffy cloudes always amazes me.

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new blog

Just few seconds ago, I deleted four of my old blogs which i hardly blog these days, being; "aswethinkweiz" - collection of my so called free verse & poetry, "somesorttart" - where i posted my so called photography, "the art of tshering choden" - where i posted my sister's amazing art work and "a live less lived" - where i wrote 52 chapters of something particularly about nothing (its inspiring to imagine that your life is more interesting than it really is). I think today is a pretty good day to start something new, like this new blog. A lot of things have happened to me since I stopped writing. I got married, had myself a beautiful son. Life can’t be any good than it is now. So this blog will be basically about every other thing in this so called ‘my life’.

Up there is a picture i took on the Santosa trip. The whole thing made me feel like watching a 3-D animation without any story as such and I was marveled by the fact that hologram was actually not the only possibility in star track movies. If my son was five or a little older than that, he would have enjoyed coming to this place. I really couldn't fully enjoy the whole thing, thinking i couldn't share the experience with my son. Anyways it was also something to see the performers trying to bring out enthusiasm from the crowd who neither applauded nor awed.

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