mondays & fridays

Mondays, trying to get so many things done that I’m starting to lose track of what i am doing in the first place. Boy! We run too much that we forget what we are chasing in the first place.
Fridays, trying to rap things up for the week but to think about it, i wonder if there is an end to anything. I think we are like guinea pig running in a wheel set in motion. There's no stopping or putting an end to anything.

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murdering smog

I am under constant smog these days. No one seems to talk anything good about the management and any other thing in general around here. I think things are not that bad but with the constant negativity you’re under, you tend to think otherwise. Maybe I am naive and unwittingly optimistic about things with bit too much of an oomph than necessarily required. This ‘optimism’, I’ve started to notice (just some days ago) is starting to fade. I think it has got to do with all the things that are being buzzed here and there. It started on Thursday, 10th June 2010 when I unnecessarily said something unnecessary to someone towards the end of the day. It wasn’t much of anything, but it didn’t feel good. And I am beginning to notice, my ears are starting to work less in process of getting all my creative ideas killed. The only way forward is to listen to what these people are talking around here and nod your head, whether you agree or disagree. One thing I’ve notice about humanity is that no one says anything good behind a person’s back. Its quite pathetic and sad but its true, I don’t know, maybe its some sort of bizarre issue we human have or maybe it’s the only case here. I do sound unnecessarily handicap when I say all these things but sometimes it’s better not to say anything, especially when you’re pouring water in a filled glass. Plus no one listen these day, everyone just wants to talk and ignorantly think that the things coming out of their mouth will save the world (seriously!). I do feel like shaking a body or two and saying, ‘come on, wake up!’ but sometimes I don’t really care much.

For now, I hope that my ego never blinds me and nothing makes me lose my calm and sanity.

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random thoughts

Bit annoyed at the moment though I am acting calm and all that which I tend to do a lot, I mean acting otherwise. Maybe I’m just another quack or my face is not as transparent as it ought to be. But then again, these futile things like this and that, it really doesn’t matter (if you think and think about it). I guess sometimes you learn more and become more of what you are with the huddles you face. If everything had gone according to plan, it would have been just another day but since it has not, I have thing or two to learn about myself, basically how I deal with situations like these. For now I know that things like these won’t shake or break me. I did complain a bit here and there but in less that an hour, I was fine about it. After all there are bigger problems that people face on a day to day basis and seriously it doesn’t make any sense to make a big deal out of things that are insignificant as these. This reminds me, maybe we are the Whos living on a tiny speck.

I’m raving again.

I was just reading an article on HHSR. I was quite surprised to come across those scandals and allegation he faced in the early 1990s. It made me think, that there are things that are misunderstood, like the humanness of supposedly enlightened masters. I have this picture or rather image of them and see them as an embodiment of universal love with nonhuman (almost alien) characteristics, simply put, without desire, greed, anger, begot, judgment and all those negative aspect of being a human. I also think that they probably walk with this glow of aura (or halo) we don’t see. I guess to a normal person (like me), it’s quite disappointing and total breach of trust when succumb with the fact otherwise. I guess these spiritual masters have an image to live upto, not that it matters to them (being enlightened) but it does to the common folks. But sometimes I think I’ll have to be reminded (once again) that it’s the teaching that matters and not the teacher.

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to take the wheel

The number of vehicle in this town that I live in is increasing day by day. So far I always brag that ours is the only capital that does not have the street signs (it’s weird but quite unnecessary thus far) but I think at this rate we will need those very soon. People don’t even follow the one-way traffic rules. Sometimes it feels like if you can drive in this crazy town, you could drive anywhere.

I don’t drive. I think that’s probably my biggest handicap. Seriously I feel like one of my arms is broken or missing, not knowing how to drive, swim or bike. I’ll probably drown or be run over. I think it’s probably out of laziness, lack of time, circumstances or something imbedded deep in my sub-conscious cranium. I did have few lessons from here and there but it never amounted to anything. This year I’ve told myself that, I bloody WILL take the wheel. Between my job and my family, it’s very hard to find time to do anything else. I wonder how this ever happened. My mind is too much focused on the external things that are happening around me, it’s dragging me here and there that I often forget myself. HHSR, in one of his teaching mentions that in process of 'being selfish' that is not forgetting oneself, one often benefits the society as a whole. A.S, an economist couldn't agree more with HHSR's point of view.

For now I’m in process of reading this book called ‘Philosophy of life and death’ by M.V. Kamath. It’s a fascinating book. It accounts for different but similar viewpoint or prospective on ‘after death journey’ as one might want to call it. Was lucky to stumble upon this book. Next on my list of books to read is ‘A brief history in time’ by Stephen Hawking.

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